Lately I’ve been working a lot
to release fear from my life. I’ve been working to release fears so that I can
live in a way of complete flow and complete trust in each step and in every
part of my journey. I had been making wonderful progress in releasing fears I
had attached to my self over time and then last week I had a set back. Last
week my 18 month old son came down with a cold that caused him to get a nasty
ear infection. Truth be told when my son gets sick I feel that I loose my grace
and can quickly go into “worry” mode. Our doctor prescribed a new antibiotic
that my son had not taken before and I was instructed to give him the first
dose straight away, which would be before bed. When we got home and I gave him
the medication, fear arouse in me in the form of worry and questions: Was he
going to be ok on this new medication? Would it have any side effects? Would it
even help fight the bacteria in his ear? Was it smart to give it to him right
before bed when I wasn’t right there to watch him?
My husband was out of town so I
tortured myself with this fearful inner dialogue for a few hours until I got
myself so worked up that something had to give. I knew that my fear and worry
had taken over me and that I was not living in trust. I knew I needed to work
to release the fear and get back into a peaceful state of living in the flow.
So I had to work to release and let it go.
Through the process of being a
mother I’ve realized that being a parent can bring up so many issues that
mirror the seemingly week or broken aspects of us. But really the beauty in it
is that it brings up these aspects so that we can clearly see them and then
work to heal them so that they don’t carry on to the next generation. It is a
beautiful symbiotic relationship and I am constantly and continually in awe and
grateful for the healing opportunities parenting has given me thus far.
So in using parenting as a
mirror I’ve come to the realization that I’ve always had a deep fear of losing
people I love. And so in knowing the truth of that fear I realize that the fear
that arouse in me that night was in actuality linked to my deeper routed fear
of losing someone I love. By being honest with myself I know that I have an underlying
fear that I need to work on.
Aside from needing to do some
deeper work, in that moment on that evening when I was feeling fear and worry I
knew I needed to let go the grasp I had on it so that I could be more present
and peaceful for my son. So What I did was stop, breathe and do a calming
visualization (I’ll list some fear releasing exercises in my next post). And
then for that moment I released and let it go.
There is so much quiet comfort in
completely realizing and letting go of a fear. It allows for an instant inner
peace to arise and there is beauty in knowing that at any given moment peace is
waiting to take hold of us if we just let go. It’s letting go and realizing and
knowing deep within us that God is in control of everything. I am learning to
have faith in not just the easy parts of my life but also the challenging parts
too. Because it is giving up control and having faith in those challenging
parts of our lives that help us to grow and be free. It is having trust in the
struggle and knowing deep within that everything will and always does work out
as it should and in Divine perfection for our path.
