Mirrors, Trust & Growth

Lately I’ve been working a lot to release fear from my life. I’ve been working to release fears so that I can live in a way of complete flow and complete trust in each step and in every part of my journey. I had been making wonderful progress in releasing fears I had attached to my self over time and then last week I had a set back. Last week my 18 month old son came down with a cold that caused him to get a nasty ear infection. Truth be told when my son gets sick I feel that I loose my grace and can quickly go into “worry” mode. Our doctor prescribed a new antibiotic that my son had not taken before and I was instructed to give him the first dose straight away, which would be before bed. When we got home and I gave him the medication, fear arouse in me in the form of worry and questions: Was he going to be ok on this new medication? Would it have any side effects? Would it even help fight the bacteria in his ear? Was it smart to give it to him right before bed when I wasn’t right there to watch him?

My husband was out of town so I tortured myself with this fearful inner dialogue for a few hours until I got myself so worked up that something had to give. I knew that my fear and worry had taken over me and that I was not living in trust. I knew I needed to work to release the fear and get back into a peaceful state of living in the flow. So I had to work to release and let it go.

Through the process of being a mother I’ve realized that being a parent can bring up so many issues that mirror the seemingly week or broken aspects of us. But really the beauty in it is that it brings up these aspects so that we can clearly see them and then work to heal them so that they don’t carry on to the next generation. It is a beautiful symbiotic relationship and I am constantly and continually in awe and grateful for the healing opportunities parenting has given me thus far. 

So in using parenting as a mirror I’ve come to the realization that I’ve always had a deep fear of losing people I love. And so in knowing the truth of that fear I realize that the fear that arouse in me that night was in actuality linked to my deeper routed fear of losing someone I love. By being honest with myself I know that I have an underlying fear that I need to work on. 

Aside from needing to do some deeper work, in that moment on that evening when I was feeling fear and worry I knew I needed to let go the grasp I had on it so that I could be more present and peaceful for my son. So What I did was stop, breathe and do a calming visualization (I’ll list some fear releasing exercises in my next post). And then for that moment I released and let it go.

There is so much quiet comfort in completely realizing and letting go of a fear. It allows for an instant inner peace to arise and there is beauty in knowing that at any given moment peace is waiting to take hold of us if we just let go. It’s letting go and realizing and knowing deep within us that God is in control of everything. I am learning to have faith in not just the easy parts of my life but also the challenging parts too. Because it is giving up control and having faith in those challenging parts of our lives that help us to grow and be free. It is having trust in the struggle and knowing deep within that everything will and always does work out as it should and in Divine perfection for our path.